My zen is crumbling around me as I return to the familiar territory of irritability. Just like the ugly, gigantic pajama pants that I normally put on every night after tucking the kids into bed. (You know, the ones I bought when I was 7 months pregnant, that were then cute(ish) capris but now drag on the floor even when hoisted up all the way to my boobs.)
The pants disappeared with Nana’s visit. I just pretended to be the type who keeps her jeans on until bedtime. I also pretended to be calm. I pulled it off so well that I even fell for it. But as soon as outsider eyes stopped watching, I hitched up my huge pjs and I got annoyed at everything.
I am a duck. I am a duck. I am a duck.
Fuck it. I’m no duck. I’m the mom who took off L’s doorknob yesterday and turned it around so I could lock his door from the outside, after a solid hour of back-to-back time outs where I had to stand there holding the door closed pretending I couldn’t hear his “stupid mommy!” and “poopy mommy!” and him hurling himself and all that was not nailed down at the door.
Maybe a little bit of my flirtation with zen did stick. Although I eventually yelled, it was only a little bit. I quickly regained control of myself and did the door knob thing instead, which certainly shocked and disturbed L more than any yelling I could do. When all was said and done I was able to bring my blood pressure back down to a low simmer and get on with the day.
So, I’m no zen master and I’ve lost that zenny ease I had while Nana was here. Then it was easy. I simply had no choice. Now I’m free to show my ugly-mommy side and it really wants to be seen. Here’s hoping I have some zen-retention though. I know it’s possible anyway.
Adjustment periods sucks…we always go through them whether it’s recovering from a vacation or ending a visit from a relative…adjustments suck.
I have two things that keep me from getting really “ugly mommy” on the Crazies…I either open a window (don’t need the neighbors to hear the crazy) or pretend Oprah put cameras in my house…I don’t know why, but it works and makes me check myself.
Motherhood is the freaking hardest thing in the world and these kids don’t make it any easier!
LOL at the Oprah thing. That is hilarious. I’m totally going to adopt that. Does it curb eating your kid’s Halloween candy for breakfast too?
Funny, I do the same thing! When I feel myself teetering on the edge of mommy sanity, I open a window. Then I am totally conscious that all my neighbors can hear me. And it keeps me in check. I haven’t pretended that Oprah put cameras everywhere in my house (good one!) but I have pretended that my MIL was over. That works like a charm.
Oooh, I like the open windows thing. I definitely call my crazies back in the house when they are about to go over the edge for the very same reason – only then it is about controlling them. The window is about controlling me. Brilliant.
And Allison – re-entry from Grandparentland is one of the circles of hell no matter how zen you are. Universal suckage. Channel Stella, you’ll get your groove back once re-entry dies down. You know it’s in there somewhere.
Nice post. Keep telling it like it is.
For what it’s worth, a very good friend of mine did that with the doorknob on her twin boys’ room. Was the only way to keep them in there for sleeping (and time-outs, of course). She also has two elem-school-aged boys, so I figure she’s an expert.
Keep quacking.
Did the door knob thing in 1979 with Marc only it backfired. I went into his room one day to get him ready for some class closed the door so he could not escape and somehow locked us bot in his room for the afternoon. No cell phones back then to call anyone. Don’t let that happen to you!
I like the doorknob thing!
I put one of those little hook locks on the outside at the very top of both of the girls doors when my littlest came home from the hospital (our eldest was 3 at the time).
It stopped the big kid escaping herroom during one of her epic 3yo meltdowns so that I could cool down enough not to pick her up and toss her out the window and it also prevented her (she was a rat!) from climbing into her newborn sister’s cot and sitting on her or throwing hard heavy plastic toys at her head.
Good times. Good times. *sigh*
Good luck maintaining your zen. Here’s to paranoia brought on by open windows and hidden secret oprah cameras. Haha!
The doorknob is GENIUS! I tried to do that at my house, but it wasn’t that easy…and don’t let Nana scare you away from your comfy pants! Wear them proud- I still wear mine and my youngest is 17 months old!
I’m wearing my comfy pants right now. I’m lucky if I make it until the baby is in bed some days! Wear them and be proud!
I have a pair of old yoga maternity capris that I love so much. Had em since I was pregnant with my first six years ago. They have a drawstring and the top stitching where the string and elastic are is coming apart. They are not much longer for this world and I am so sad about that! I will keep wearing them until I can’t though!
The first thing I do when I come home from work is get into my comfy’s… ok they’re not the original comfy’s.. that would be some going.
I have never heard of the door knob trick, I wish I had though it would have made my life a whole lot easier back then!
Don’t do the door knob thing. Don’t do it. Resist. Resist. Take him out. Cuddle him. When my 22 year old was 2 (!) and his baby sister was in my arms (how mean) I put one of those plastic balls on his doorknob to stop him from coming out of his room at bed time and I still cry thinking about it. He was in the room with his three-year-old brother, so he wasn’t alone – and I had four kids under five BUT still I think now – why couldn’t I just let him sit with me on the couch and get used to his sister existing. I know, I know – because I was exhausted and just trying to manage, but wow would I feel less guilty today…
Has there never been a time where you’ve asked yourself if holding onto that guilt is doing you any favours?
I don’t hold onto the mothers guilt thing.
It eats away at you and really, you can’t change the past so why hold onto something that’s only going to hurt you… What’s done is done. You were doing the best you could. Noone, especially yourself, should excepct anymore than that…
I did the doorknob when my boys were little, (now 24 and 26). I had a paperclip above the door to open it if I got locked in, and the boys couldn’t reach it. I have 2 wonderful boys, no harm done. One has 2 kids of his own, the other is finishing law school. Don’t feel guilty reclaiming your sanity.
I haven’t turned the doorknob around, because my daughter’s does not lock on either side, but I have held the door many times and I’ve been looking into lock options. One possibility we found at BabiesRUs fastens at the top of the door and lets you lock it from either side. It didn’t work on our slightly ornamental 1918 door frames, but it might work for you.
I, too, prefer not to shut my daughter in her room (sometimes, I shut myself in a room), but when the alternative is potentially more damaging (you doing or saying things you’ll regret), sometimes, I think it’s just the best thing. It’s definitely my go-to option when my daughter is hitting me and won’t stop.
My dad did the same thing to me (because I didn’t want to be around people all the time and would lock my twin brother out of the room. I still don’t like people) when I was younger. One time I locked my brother, my three cousins, and me in my room because I was mad at the boys for not wanting to hang out, so if we were locked in my room, we’d HAVE TO hang out! That was a scary time, since none of us could figure out how to getout.