Posts Tagged ‘chores’

Upon returning home from dropping L off at school this morning, I was shocked and terrified to open my door and find this:

An after picture of tornado damage?

Was my house ransacked and robbed while I was away? I looked around and spied my TV, computer and iPad all where I left them. Unless these were criminals after something other than expensive loot, it was not a robbery. I continued my investigation and found this:

A trail of shoes, what could this mean?

Looks like three people were here, but left without their shoes? This is confusing. I turned another corner and another and found more of the same.

Washcloths? Puzzle pieces? What's going on here?

To my horror, this destruction was not limited to floor space.

Can you spy the broken sunglasses? Two pair of swim goggles? Hours of fun!

Clearly, someone who hates me has been here.

With dread and bitter disappointment, I realized that my house has not been ransacked nor has it been ravaged by Mother Nature. It has simply endured a typical morning with my children. This mess was made between the hours of 6:30-8:00 AM. In that time the kids also brushed teeth, got dressed and ate breakfast. Which means that they made this mess remarkably quickly.

I know what you’re thinking: they didn’t mess up that kitchen, you did it, Allison. That is true. But in my defense, the center of that counter top is just about the only place that no kids can get to. All day long objects are torn from grimy little hands and placed into that one kid-free zone. As the center pile grows, earlier confiscations migrate back to the edge. Like the scissors perched just within L’s reach. Don’t you think it all enhances how lovely my peonies look?

What about the shoes? Well, that would be S. All day she puts on different shoes, walks three steps and discards them. In this way she effectively covers my home with shoes of all types and sizes and guarantees that when you are in a hurry, you will only have one shoe.

Now I will go about the process of picking it all up. My efforts in this area make the game of “find our crap and throw it” so much more fun for my kids.

Now you know why I need at least 36 hours notice for any visitors.

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As a stay at home mom, I think I’m supposed to spend at least some of my time playing with my kids. Not only is the act of playing with L not at all fun,* but it inevitably leads to tears and screaming, (I’m not telling who does which). Sometimes I feel like it’s just not worth starting.

I have fun playing with S because she’s just in such a delightful stage, but I know what lies ahead. (Bad stuff.) Even as giggly and sweet as she is, I get bored with peekaboo, this little piggy, trot trot to Boston, etc pretty quickly. And I’m especially sick of the she-takes-everything-out-of-my-cupboards-and-I-put-everything-back game, which is naturally her favorite.

Does it ever get fun to play with your kids? Or will it always be a chore to endure? It must be normal for an adult to not like playing with little kids, right? It seems like the other moms I see don’t look as harried and miserable as I do. Maybe the love they feel for their kids trumps how annoying it is to play with them? Or maybe I really am just a huge douchebag and the rest of you are having the times of your lives playing with your toddlers and preschoolers! Either way, the bottom line is that I’m a crap mom. Again. Damn that bottom line.

*OK, I reluctantly admit that it is sometimes fun to play with L. Like when he plays Charades. But today he was a little turd all day and I’m extremely, very much looking forward to when he’s asleep and I can begin to feel fond of him again.

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Conversation with L yesterday:

“Maybe we can go out to dinner at a ‘resternaut’ tonight?”

“No, honey, not tonight.”

“Maybe just me, Daddy, and S could go, and you could just stay home and do the dishes.”

“You get to go out and I have to stay home and do dishes? That doesn’t sound nice.”

“You should vacuum too.”

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Chores Update

By the way, for those of you who were considering implementing a similar set of chores, DO IT! It’s been great. L is so proud when he comes downstairs in the morning. He often wakes up grumpy and takes hours to shake it off. But since we started the morning chores he comes down with a huge grin and can’t wait to show me his made bed, underwear and clean room. He’s thrilled to get the pennies and now he’s starting to plan for what we’ll do when his piggy bank is full. (I may have to add a billion pennies to that thing so that it fills up sometime soon.)

I’m thinking of more chores I can add to his day. Watering the garden? Weeding? Too bad he’s too little to fetch me a glass of wine…

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OK, I don’t know how to deal with this moody, obnoxious child. Here’s exactly what just happened. (Keep in mind, I’m writing this as it’s happening, and I’m pissed.)

L came downstairs from his nap at 2:20. I greeted him happily, asked if he had a nice sleep and said “let’s go upstairs and change out of that pull-up.” He got really excited to show me something upstairs.

We go into his room to find he made his bed! This is his first time doing this by himself. He’s proud as a peacock. T comes upstairs to make a fuss over it too. We are all saying how great it is. (We’re trying to really fawn over any good behavior.) I explain to T that these are part of L’s new chores. I point out how clean his room is. Then I say that his other chore is taking off his pull-up, throwing it out, and putting on his underpants. L happily goes to his underwear drawer and SUDDENLY, out of nowhere….

He throws himself down on the floor kicking and screaming. A complete tantrum. We have no idea what happened. It was like a switch was flipped. One second we’re all happy and celebrating and the next second he’s in evil-mode. He will not tell us what’s the matter. We leave the room.

It is now 3:00. It’s been 40 minutes of L screaming upstairs for who knows what reason. Each time we approached him to try to help, or figure out what was going on, we were met by obnoxious raspberry sounds and attempted hits and kicks.

So, I ask you earnestly, WTF? What did we do wrong? The whole afternoon has to be shaped by this? It’s so unfair! We had plans to go to the playground, but I certainly don’t want to do it now. I don’t want to do anything nice for him. I feel like nice things should happen to nice children. It seems wrong for nice things to keep happening to rotten L. Is my child a psychotic sociopath?

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L wanted to earn some money (pennies), so I devised a chore list for him to do first thing in the morning, before I even see him. Can you tell what they are?

  1. Take off and throw away pull-up and put on underwear
  2. Make bed
  3. Put away toys and books

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