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We live far from anything, so every day involves a fair amount of time in the car. I think it’s because he’s physically restrained and can’t use his energy in his usual running/jumping/dancing/climbing/throwing/shooting fashion that inspires L to come up with such funny and weird things to say as we drive around. Every day I think to myself that I have to write it all down. Entire car rides are filled with just the oddest conversations. So, today I committed our 15 minute ride to memory.

First, we played the opposites game. His idea. I say a word and he comes up with the opposite. He was very good at this game and even got my trickier ones like smooth/bumpy and hilly/flat. I ran out of opposites to ask him, so he decided to ask me some.

L: House.
me: House doesn’t have an opposite. It’s a thing, and things don’t have opposites.
L: Tree.
me: Tree is a thing too. Anything you can touch or hold doesn’t have an opposite.
L: Cloud.
me: A cloud is a thing too.
L: No it’s not. I can’t touch it or hold it.
me: Yes, but it’s still a thing, an object. Objects don’t have opposites.
L: You’re not very good at this game. I’m much better than you are. I got every one right.

OK, fair enough. A few moments go by in silence.

L: I wish I had a nose in my mouth.
me: wha????
L: So I could smell when my teeth are dirty.

Gross. Turn up the music, hoping for some quiet time.

L: When I have babies of my own, I’m going to name them Batman and Robin Hood.
me: Those are good names.
L: I just love Batman. I can’t wait until I turn into Batman when I’m a grown up.

I’ve explained that one before. At this point, we’re just waiting it out. Sooner or later he’ll realize that he’s not turning into Batman.

L: How many is Michael Jackson?
me: What?
L: How many is he? What’s the number?
me: I don’t know what you mean.
L: When he was born. Was I bigger than him?
me: Were you a bigger baby than Michael Jackson? I don’t know for sure, but I’d guess yes.
L: S is going to name her baby Michael Jackson. Or maybe I’ll have Batman and Michael Jackson, and she’ll have Robin Hood. Is that a good idea?
me: That’s a great idea. Glad we worked that out.

We’ve now been driving for about 7 minutes. Have at least that much to go still.

L: Is Batman dead?
me: (hopeful) I like this song. Let’s sing!
L: (not at all distracted) Is he dead though?
me: No. Batman is not real, so he’s not dead.
L: But the real Batman, is he dead?
me: No.
L: Is Michael Jackson dead?
me: Yes, he is.
L: Can we go visit him? I want to go to his house.
me: (WTF? MJ can lure little boys to his house even from the grave? What is this power of his??) We can’t visit him because he died. And we don’t know him. Didn’t know him. We’re not going to his house.
L: Maybe I’ll live in his house when I’m a grown up, and then I’ll be dead too. Are you going to die?
me: L, this really isn’t something for you to worry about.
L: But you’re so old.
me: Not so old. I plan on being around for a long, long time. It’s really not something for you to worry about.
L: Is Michael Jackson still dead? Does he know Batman?

With that we pull into our destination. The inner workings of L’s mind are a strange place indeed.

 

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Bob is our gruff, Harley riding, Vietnam vet neighbor. He was outside doing yard work with his shirt off yesterday as we drove by his house.

L: Why is Bob naked?

I started to explain that he’s not naked, but that men sometimes take their shirts off when it’s hot, but L interrupted me. As we rounded the corner L saw Bob’s sprinkler on his lawn.

L: Oh! His ‘prinkler’s on! He must be in his bathing suit.

The idea of Bob running through his sprinkler in his bathing suit has had me laughing all day today.

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