What is motherhood all about? I’ve noticed a few things lately that make me feel like I’ve arrived.
Motherhood is:
- letting someone whose face is covered in snot nuzzle into your neck;
- hearing a crash anywhere in the house and freezing for a count of 5 to see if crying follows. If not, just continuing about your business;
- knowing all the words to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of annoying songs. And singing them;
- thinking that tush in front of you is adorable, even though you just finished cleaning poop off of it;
- having more things in your purse that aren’t for you than things that are;
- the ability to drive while constantly passing things to the backseat, collecting things from the backseat, and answering the unanswerable questions of the universe: “Will Santa die? How will Santa bring me my presents when I die?”;
- having your heart burst because of a moment of unbearable sweetness;
- getting kicked in the shins with hard plaster casts while dragging a 45 lb person somewhere he doesn’t want to go, (OK, this one might be unique to me);
- knowing when another person needs to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom before they know it themselves;
- going from utterly frustrated and annoyed to utterly touched and happy and then back again within a minute;
- a lot like having the world’s worst house guests, who
- eat all your food and never replace it,
- make huge messes and never clean up,
- contribute exactly nothing towards household needs,
- leave smudgy handprints of questionable origin (apple sauce? snot?) all over your house,
- shit their pants,
- pick their noses,
- wake you up at night and at ungodly hours in the morning,
- demand you serve them,
- demand the TV is tuned to their shows, not yours,
- and most of all they never, ever leave.
Did I miss anything?
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I would add to #11:
* are emotionally unstable, having meltdowns that are neither predictable nor remediable one moment and maniacally cheerful the next.
Great addition!!!
You hit the nail on the head!!!
This post was so funny, i had to share it on my facebook page. I *heart* this blog!
This is great!!! Especially #3. My experience was “You realize your a mom when you are singing along to Wee Sing and then remember there are NO kids in the car”
I love this list!
I think you included everything! That was funny. Earlier today my 23 year old daughter who has no children was talking about the fact that people always say they want a “baby” yet they never ever think of it in any way except as being a baby. They don’t think or say toddler, five year old, teenager etc. I told I loved her very much and really liked her until she turned 13. She said people probably wouldn’t have babies if they thought of them as 13 year olds. I think she might be scared to have kids for fear of not liking them at a certain point!
This is a fantastic summary of motherhood. All of it’s true, of course, but the bit about being tickled by baby buns is more so for me. I know it’s bordering on inappropriate, but I love my kids’ tushes. I pinch, poke, smack (lightly, or sometimes not) and otherwise fondle their booties. Those little cheeks are mommy crack for me.
Being a mom means putting up with stuff that you would never in a million years put up with from strangers.
Naw…you didn’t miss a thing.
My fave: getting used as a personal napkin.
#9 is my favorite. I’m constantly telling my 3yo to go pee, getting told she doesn’t have to, and then discovering the hard way that I was right and she was wrong.
I also constantly say the following:
I am not a garbage can.
I am not a napkin.
I am not a stepstool.
And others in that vein.
Omygosh, that title is awesomely funny.
I totally get this. My husband noted the other day that only a mother will go into a child’s nose to pick out the “prize booger” and would want to show it off with pride to her spouse.
I do 2 All. The. Time.
The kids still don’t understand how I do #9.
Motherhood is:
– being a walking jungle gym that can drive a car
– seeing people in their underwear more often than clothed
– not being surprised by finding things no where near where they should be (ie: toothbrush in toy box, sock in toilet)
– being able to recognize what toy you just stepped on in a dark room by the shape it just made in your bare foot
– deciphering a 3yo’s drawings correctly
– understanding anything a 2yo says
– spending the first 2.5 years of each of your kids’ lives with breastmilk/formula/spitup/snot/cookie drool on at least one of your shoulders, 24×7
– knowing that your kid is/is not doing something in the next room even though you can’t see him and being 100% right
– putting up with a lot of literal and figurative $hit on a daily basis
Love this post – reads like a snapshot from my life right now.
Just one addition:
When you are doing the mommy-bouncy dance (you know to get a fussy baby to sleep) in the supermarket lineup – without a child in your arms. 😉
Good one! I am constantly swaying to soothe the imaginary infant in the imaginary carrier. I also find myself pushing and pulling my shopping cart away and back towards me while waiting at the deli or in line, to keep the child sitting in it happily moving. Even when there’s no child in it.
Number 2… so my life. I will stop and listen, and if there is crying, I’ll see if it lasts more than thirty seconds, or is followed by another child laughing… those are usually dead indicators that it is something other than frustration or disappointment…
O.M.G. Still laughing!!! Numbers 2 and 6 are so me…thanks for the laughs!!
Omg thanks for the laugh. I am sitting in a hospital while my mom has surgery on her broken arm and I needed a giggle.
#2 is perfect. My husband thinks I am nuts because I don’t freak out at each crash. Recent conversation tidbit –
Me: Dude, if you were home all day you’d get it. It’s a mom skill. Him, incredulously: What if they’re hurt? Me: duh. they’ll cry.
I LOVE your list posts!!!!!
[…] From Motherhood, WTF?: Motherhood is… […]
I thought this post was about your husband…
This is very relatable indeed. As a friend of mine said, the highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows, over and over and over again, each and every day. I hate being a human snot rag and the emotional up and down is trying. And I don’t care much for my fried brain that often leave me blank when (adults) talk to me.
Oh Boy #11 is the winner! The trouble is that I keep relating it to the 15 year old more than the 3 year old…*sigh* I’ve got a lot of years of this left…
#11: a lot like having the world’s worst house guests, who
* eat all your food and never replace it,
* make huge messes and never clean up,
* contribute exactly nothing towards household needs,
* leave smudgy handprints of questionable origin (apple sauce? snot?) all over your house,
* shit their pants,
* pick their noses,
* wake you up at night and at ungodly hours in the morning,
* demand you serve them,
* demand the TV is tuned to their shows, not yours,
* and most of all they never, ever leave
I’m not a mom, but many of these are familiar to me from years of teaching preschool. I still find myself singing “The Wheels on the Bus” at odd moments, and smile every time it happens!
I love #4 E’s butt is the cutest thing in the world to me and I am always telling my husband to look at the cute little tush and agree with me that its the cutest butt ever, which probably gets old because our son is naked ALOT… 🙂
I know this post is from a while ago but had to add…
A friend of mine told me being a mother is like being pecked to death by chickens, so sadly true!