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Posts Tagged ‘mad’

L has been startlingly more obnoxious than usual. I’m used to him knocking S over or grabbing her toy when I’m not looking, but lately he’s been doing those things openly, blatantly, more forcefully. Also, he’s taken to throwing (soft) objects at her at close range. Right at her head or face. In fact, he’s taken to throwing things at my head and face too. WTF?

Feeling very low, I just had a great ah-ha! moment. I remembered something Al said. She said that it will get worse, before it gets better. That L will notice a change in my reactivity and he’ll try his damnedest to get me mad again. To try to regain the power he had – the power to make me lose it. (By the way, he usually succeeds. He’s a persistent little guy.)

So, his horrible behavior is actually (maybe) good news. Here I was thinking that I’m doing a terrible job. That my son is too far gone towards the dark side, and I’m a lost cause completely. After all, I’ve been failing at Al’s plan. I have lost my temper a number of times. But I must be doing something right, at least going in the right direction if he’s noticing it enough to push back against it, right?

I’m grasping at straws here. Al said it would be worse at first. And she said that in 3 weeks we could have a whole new dynamic. If this is really the “worse at first” part then maybe she was right about the whole new dynamic part too! Of course, this could just be L becoming more and more out of control and not at all a reaction to me trying to be a better mom. I’m hopeful though. I have to be. This feels a lot like rock bottom. Things can only get better from here. Right??

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