There are days that I just don’t want to be The Mommy. I’m tired. I don’t want today to be all about the kids. Feeding the kids. Dressing the kids. Hearing the constant whines of discontent. Can’t there be a day when they are not discontented? Can’t they go from full to hungry without whining about it? Can they be bored without whining? Cold without whining? Hot without whining? Considering the tone of this paragraph by their mother, the answer is probably not.
This past week of displacement, poor sleep, missing my regular life and schedule has taken its toll on me. Yesterday we were all so happy to be home. S took an extra long nap in her own crib. T and L busied themselves trying to clear the yard of our fallen trees. Home itself was a novelty, so we all self-entertained. It seems that the novelty has worn off by this morning.
The living room that was tremendously clean yesterday is now covered in couch cushions, books, toys and food debris. The kitchen table has remnants of several breakfasts and snacks. Bags have not been properly unpacked and instead overflow their innards in the entry way and each bedroom. The restless, nervous anxiety of what are we going to do with the rest of the day??? has set in.
On our own, T and I would just do whatever. It was so easy. But with kids, it seems like something has to happen. We have to go somewhere, do something, plan something entertaining, enriching, exhausting. We can’t just hang out around the house, maybe run a couple of errands, take a nap, etc. A Sunday just isn’t what it used to be. Without the entertainment, enrichment and exhaustion, the kids just circle us like hungry hyenas. Each taking a turn at pouncing with a complaint or tantrum. On tired days like today, they’re more like vultures. They know I’m near my end, and they’ll wait. Creeping ever closer, attentive. I cannot shoo them away to play on their own.
I know that there are kids out there who can entertain themselves. Who can play together for more than 3 minutes without blood shed or tears. There are kids who can sit for hours doing crafts. So why didn’t I have a couple of those kids? The only thing that can occupy my kids for any length of time is destruction of my house. Purposeful destruction with the end goal of getting a parent angry and involved.
They’re outside now with T. Soon they’ll be in demanding hot cocoa and T will hand the unwanted parenting baton to me.
Kids, it’s Sunday for goodness sake! A day off. You are my job every other day, so today I get to rest from you. Get your own food. Find your own freaking socks! Figure out a way to put your own underpants back on after peeing, or just skip them altogether. I don’t care! Also, if you are strong enough to get the cushions off the couch, I know you are strong enough to put them back on. Don’t give me that bs. No, you are not hungry, just bored. Go play. You are a child. Outside are a couple of acres of fallen leaves, snow patches, woods, swings, bikes, scooters, balls and so much more! Figure it out already and leave me alone!
OK. I can feel the outdoor activity coming to an end. Someone is crying. My time here is done. Regardless of how much I don’t want to, I will not put on my own coat and boots and join the family out there. Sundays just aren’t Sundays anymore.
omg. you just described exactly how i feel right now!
Not that my husband and I were without kids for long, but when we were the joy of being able to sleep in and watch football all day in sweats cuddled on my couch was amazing. I stay at home all day everyday with these kids and my husband is away this weekend. So I’ve been home all weekend with these kids and the week starts tomorrow I will have no break. I can’t stand that I can’t even go get milk without it being an ordeal because of getting everyone ready and out the door through the store. GRRRR!!! Glad you’re home!!
OMG…yes!!
I agree 100% with every single word you wrote. I feel like you were describing my kids!!
Hey you have stolen my life! Not that I’m complaining – you can have it. I’ll take it back next week once I’ve had a rest 🙂
Um, did I write this? Some days I actually feel angry that I don’t have the type of kids that know how to entertain themselves in a way that isn’t destructive/deadly/incredibly annoying. Sundays are THE WORST. But my husband loves Sundays because he knows it’s the last day he’s stuck hanging around with us clowns.
Exactly.
And I laugh at “gain an hour” for DST today. What – you think my kids slept in?
HA HA HA HA HA!!!
No.
I’ve had the kids solo today, so I had to do my 30-minute long errand at Home Depot with 2 kids. So it took 90 minutes.
A quick pop into the house before a bday party was filled with fighting, whining, and the destruction of Mr T’s soccer shorts. WTF? Why can’t you just snack & pee before we get back in the truck to go to a PARTY? Why must you tempt fate and (almost) make me want to not take you to the party?
I am trying to get a few things done around the house today, and have to interrupt my sweeping the garage, organizing the recycling, pulling down the last of the Halloween decorations every 5 minutes to make sure they are not tearing walls down or guzzling leftover candy.
What on earth happened to lazy Sundays?
And how can I get them back?
Do I really have to wait another decade before my kids are willing to sleep in and leave me alone on Sundays???
Lately, it seems like this is all that’s on my mind. A tiny bit of “me” time. Today, I decided to “shoosh!” the kids every time they whined. Eventually, they gave up or fell asleep and I did something I never do. I sat my butt on the couch with my husband and a glass of wine, a small cheese assortment from Spain, water crackers. I rode out the best buzz I’ve had in weeks while watching 2 full episodes of Poirot on tv. It was heaven while it lasted. We need more moments like that.
Yep a decade sounds about right. My oldest is 9 he is finally at the point where he wants to sleep in. My youngest is 21mths so I’m patiently (or not) waiting for the day that they all want to relax and be lazy.
I do that every now and then. Okay… I do that like once a week. I want to throw in the towel on responsibility. I just get OVER IT. Why do I have to be the one to figure out what we are having for dinner? Why do I always have to stop at the store when I have both kids with me? Is it too much trouble for you to stop? I want a break from butt wiping, bath giving, and entertaining the kids.
Seriously, I feel like a toddler when I get into those tantrums. I feel like a failure. Eventually I get over it and life does go on.
Exactly!! It’s the reason that I hate Sundays. I didn’t always hate them. I remember when they were full of relaxing, discovering hangover cures, meeting a friend for lunch and finding myself drunk by 5 shouting how much I love Sunday Fundays. I also remember more mild Sundays when we were first married or even when the oldest was a newborn. Remember when you thought it was hard to have one newborn? Now I think, what was so hard about having one silent, sleeping, non-mobile kid?? Anyway, now I look forward to Sundays with birthday parties because I know we can break-up the LONG day. Sundays are the new Thursday.
My husband and I wail this lament nearly every weekend. And my kids are just a bit little older than yours — which is good and bad. Good, because they’re a little more independent and a little more capable of entertaining themselves for brief periods. Bad, because it means there are even more activities (hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer, etc) to keep us away from that lazy weekend nap on the couch. Now I’m just counting the minutes until they’re old enough to go to a friend’s house for a sleepover. At least that way we could sleep in for a day.
Okay parents of older children–is there a way to set up a sleepover swap? Please get on this and then tell me how to best implement. Sleeping in on a weekend day sounds wonderful in that winning-the-lottery sort of way.
I feel the exact same way with my kiddo.
Today was nothing but tantrums!!! Oh my gosh!!
I could defiantly use a vacation.
Omg, I would kill to be in my filthy house and have to clean my filthy counter….we love with my parents due to 9 days without power, I am going crazy!!!!!
http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/storm-alfred-is-a-mfer-and-other-lessons-learned-this-week/
I was already depressed after months and months of the same effing b.s. you just described, but the Daylight Savings thing pushed me over the edge. Sleeplessness, destructiveness, whining, sibling bashing, and the mothereffing food prep/serve/clean cycle has me dangerously close to regret. We’re supposed to enjoy this time, right? Isn’t that what every goddamned stranger tells us? I’m supposed to love separation anxiety because the fact that I can’t leave the room without shrieks and crying means I’m important, right? The fact that I haven’t read or written or showered without interruption in YEARS is precious, right?
How do I shut down all the anger and disappointment and queue up the buoyant, cheerful, “hey I just thought of a great game” energy they deserve but I never have?
Good freaking question!
Yep. There are definitely times where I don’t want to be a mommy just for that hour or two … sometimes more.
Man, I so feel this. Sunday is the only day my husband will get up with the little thing in the morning and let me sleep in. After an hour he’s back and handing her to me. I hate that feeling. I hate it. And then of course when I am up I realize they both destroyed any cleaning I managed the previous week.
I am all about this post!
Maaaaybe, just maaaaybe they are unhappy because you are? I find that it works that way with my daughter and I. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve been home with my daughter since she was born, a total of 14 loooonnnggg months, with no break, no daycare, no babysitter, so I know what you mean about wanting a break. But seeing as you’re stuck where you are, you may as well try to make the best of it. Throw on some music and have a dance party! I know, so corny 🙂
I used to love the days when my husband & I would go out to breakfast & I could spend two hours there drinking endless cups of coffee and reading the entire LA Times. Now I’m lucky if I get two uninterrupted minutes of reading junk mail on the toilet before my kids break down the door. Still, Sunday is their favorite day of the week because they get to eat Pop Tarts – and I don’t have to rinse their cereal bowls.
It’s ok Allison, just throw in a husband in the middle of a mental breakdown and you could be me. My two never stop. Right now my son is telling my daughter to “fetch” all his toys to him because he’s too lazy to get them himself, and then getting mad at her for touching his toys. GRRRRRR
It’s a generational problem. When I was a kid, our parents did not feel responsible for entertaining us. We had to entertain ourselves and any cries of “I’m bored” were swiftly answered with “You’re bored? I’ll find you something to do” and we were promptly handed a broom and a list of chores. We learned to stop whining pretty quickly. And we also learned to get creative and make our own entertainment.
I am not saying that type of parenting is optimal. The “children should be seen and not heard” approach is not (in my mind) the best way to parent. But neither is the current way where parents feel they must be interacting with their kids in an enriching fashion every waking moment or the world will end. It is good for kids to feel boredom. It makes them use their minds and find ways to end the boredom. And if they can’t handle it, teach them how to. It’ll happen in time.
This might be an unpopular sentiment right now but here goes… Enjoy the time you have with your kids now because before you know it they’ll be teenagers. I miss the hugs and neediness I would give anything to have those years back.
WOW. Amen!!!! The whining is the worst….it sucks the soul right out of me!
I love the fact that you worked the word “innards” into this post as that is exactly what is hanging out of our weekend bags upstairs. There are days that the Crazies can entertain themselves (or each other…even better) and there are days when their need for me is almost reminiscent of the breastfeeding days. It’s on those days when I want to scream, “I WEANED YOU ONCE…I’M TOO WEAK TO DO IT AGAIN!!!” I don’t though…I just sit and get bitter for that day.
I just had the worst time at the store I have ever had with my kids. OMG! Do they plan to be rude and obnoxious specifically because they know I have to get something done. My 2 yr old started shrieking in the store at octave levels that could break glass. I was horrified, but now then he thinks it’s more funny to then run through the store. When I finally catch him he acts like a limp noodle and I can’t control him. I beg, I plead and he is laughing at me the whole time. I was so embarrassed. I paid for my one item and left. Got everyone in the car and cried the whole way home, while the kids laughed at each other over every sound they made. OMG! Reading the comments everyone posted made me feel better to know that it’s not just me. I joke that it is the sound of my voice makes them tune out. They don’t dare do this to Dad. He isn’t mean – he just says “guys we need to calm down” and they listen. What the f? What is wrong with me that they just tune me out. I feel like a failure everyday. A glass of wine and a movie sounds like what I need….Gotta go kids are in the bathroom throwing things at each other and floating toys in the sink. Ugh.
I’ve been there. I really don’t know a worse feeling than that failure feeling. Especially because you can’t even take the time to deal with it. You feel like an utter failure, you’re miserable, and yet you still have to give those creatures a bath. Sigh. I hope tomorrow is much better for you!
Oh, I just wrote about how Friday is no longer TGIF but FFIP (F*** Friday I’m Panicked) because you have to have your ENTIRE weekend planned to keep the kidlets busy, etc. Sunday is deadly. Deadly. Great & honest post!
really? all of you hate mothering that much? I have days where I am decidedly not having fun, but I became a mother because I wanted to be a mother. My kids whine, my kids destroy my house, sometimes suck more out of me that I feel I have. But, and this is more than just loving them, I like being a mother. Their mother. Maybe you feel resentment because you are trying to be the kind of mother you think you should, what is expected, instead of the one you are. Figure out what you love. What would you like to do with your weekends? Watch old movies with a bowl of popcorn? Garden? Go to the park and throw around a frisbee? What things do bring you joy as a mom? Long bath-times with bubbles where you make them look like Santa Claus, or reading them stories. Mommy spa, where ylet them put on crazy make up and rub lotion into your feet.
Sorry to say it, but you DO need to find a way to enjoy this time, at lest some of the time because they do feel your resentment. It makes them all the more clingy beause that is what babies/young children know how to do, cry until someone gives them what they need….your undisputed love. They know when you are holding back and only going through the motions.
When my kids were very young, I would every morning shower them with so much attention. We would rock first thing while they watched cartoons, have a nice breakfast, play some games and do puzzles or whatever. And then….they got bored of me! They happily went off and did their own thing, while I did mine.
And this is not just at Allison, but all the other commenters who responded in kind. Least she feels attacked. This was really very disturbing to me. I can understand burn out but this sounds more like misery. how sad for everyone.
I forgot to make the point, that you should figure out what it is you want to be doing…….and then do that with the kids. With some tailoring you include them. Even reading the Sunday paper in bed. They can bring coloring books and crayons, or comics or their Leapster, whatever.
As much as I am not a Martha Stewart or even a fan of hers, one thing I do admire about her or rather her parents, is that they did just that. Her mother taught her to cook, her father let her garden with him. When she was burned out on her career, she fell back on her childhood. I try to include my children in my interests, even if they do not share them. They need to know I am a person too, and not just there to fill their every need.