I believe that girls should grow up playing in the dirt as much as their male counterparts, that boys should have play kitchens and strollers. If we treat everyone equally, they’ll be equal, none of this sex-stereotyping, right? I might have believed that before having a boy-child of my own. Now I understand that L is a species entirely separate from me in his boyish interests, boyish antics, boyish energy and boyish sound effects. He makes shooting noises while eating. Explosion noises while coloring. He wants to fight, play with guns and swords, run like a wild thing and get as dirty as possible. He is all boy and he was just born that way. So why fight it?
T and I don’t own guns, don’t like guns. We make it clear to L that we feel this way. So far we’ve kept guns and swords and other toys that L would love out of the house. But does it really make a difference? This is a child who turns his own hands into guns, web launchers, swords. What good am I doing by not allowing admittedly fun toys like water guns, Nerf shooter thingies and the like? As far as I can see, I’m not doing any good.
But no one has these toys. Where I live it’s like an unspoken rule that we, as parents, must frown upon all play violence. So we just deal with our sons wrestling, throwing non-gun objects at each other, and pretending any handy item is a weapon. I’m starting to think that we’re just being silly. Now that I see how my son is, what is really in his nature, I realize that these games are genetically coded into him as a male of our species.
Boys wrestle, pretend to shoot, and play fight because they’re practicing for being full-grown cave-men. Just like puppies and lion cubs wrestle, fight and recognize alpha pups as practice for being grown wolves and lions. Because my child wants to shoot everything, does not mean he’s a violent person. If I handed him a toy gun I doubt his games would change much. His prop would just look better and not fall apart like the Lego guns he constantly constructs.
There is some overlap in what L and S show interest in. They will happily play together in the play kitchen, roll around wrestling on the floor together, argue about whose turn it is with the doll stroller, (by argue I mean L snatches it and S hits him as hard as she can until I pull her off,) but invariably their play ends differently. S can play with a doll and stroller and never think to run as fast as she can and crash it into things while creating loud engine and crashing sound effects. Her games pretty much never end in explosions or traps or bad guys being arrested, and L’s always do.
So, maybe I’ll go ahead and get some water blasters this summer. The good machine gun variety. I’ll just deal with the unspoken disapproval from the other moms as their kids run around like wild people having the time of their lives with toys they don’t normally get to play with.
What do you think about toy guns?
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We gave fighting the inevitable. My two year old son is exactly the same! Makes all the sound effects known to man! We eventually got him a silly little play gun and nothing really changed. Still the same noises and type of play. When it broke (coz my kids for some reason break things quicker!) He just carried on playing the old way of using his hands and other objects.
My little boy is 16 months now and I see what you’re writing in the near future. He loves to throw anything he can, make noises when he plays with his cars, and chew loudly. He loves playing in dirt and picking up bugs. And in his easter basket, was a squirt gun. From the moment we showed him how to use it, he loved it. Squirting both Daddy and Mommy and laughing the whole time. Let the other moms disapprove 🙂
Mine have them, but we have been quite careful that you don’t point the real looking ones at people. we also have rules about where you can aim water guns-bodies only–and that their toy guns are toys and dad’s guns and other grown up guns are most definitely NOT toys. It’s all about education. And squirt guns are loads of fun!
I’ve just recently wrote two posts about stuff like this. You know what….we went crazy and bought the nerf guns! Guess what…didn’t increase the fighting they actually started to work together and play games collaboratively 🙂 http://welcometogauthierland.blogspot.com/2011/04/boys-will-be-boys.html
I’m just uncomfortable with guns and kids, period. I’d rather have my kids making guns out of random objects or using imaginary ones, rather than feel comfortable wrapping their mitts around something more realistic.
I grew up with guns in the house, have shot (at least) a rifle, knew they were something very dangerous. But accidents happen.
And then there’s what is going on in society as a whole.
My take on what is going on around me is that kids are growing up desensitized. So when Life gets hard and they feel like causing harm, it is natural to do something very violent/extreme rather than have a good old fashioned fist fight.
Kids are used to holding the grip of a toy weapon, used to bloodily killing on a video game, used to seeing horrible behavior on tv/movies. So when they have a surge of emotions, why would they automatically want to do something little, like just suckerpunch the person who hurt them and call it even? Why not do something at the threshold they are used to, and shoot them? Or stab them? Or take locker room pictures on their cell phone and spread them around school? Or get a group of friends to jump her with a baseball bat?
I prefer to let them act out this stuff that’s in them with their imaginations and the toys I feel comfortable with. There are alternatives to Real Gun Toys, and we have those. He still gets it out of his system, and when the behavior crosses the line I use it as a teaching moment.
My son is 3 1/2 and one minute he can be shooting at something (most of the time bad guys) and the next minute he is baking me a cake/cupcakes in the sand box. I think it is all about balance.
I don’t have a problem with brightly colored water bazookas, etc., because the point of them is to get people wet–not to pretend like you are shooting bullets at someone. I would not allow a toy in my house that is intended to be acted out as if it is a “real” gun. I realize I am in a different situation because my guy has not expressed the enthusiasm for guns, shooting, etc. the way yours has. I think, though, that if my E did have such an enthusiasm, I would not want to encourage him to develop it further by giving him toy “real” guns to play with.
I hesitate to mention this next part because it is “extreme” and I certainly don’t mean to imply that your situation with L is anywhere remotely near this level, but yet I think it is relevant enough to mention. In grad school, I did a research paper regarding school shooters, and I remember reading about Kip Kinkel, who killed his parents before going on a shooting spree at school. Kip had a lifelong fascination with guns, etc., and his parents ended up at some point sort of “giving in” to it. They tried to channel his obsession into a supervised hobby. They bought him a gun, but made him take gun safety courses, etc. Obviously, hindsight being 20/20, their methodology failed.
I AM REALLY NOT SAYING THAT L IS DESTINED TO BE A SCHOOL (OR PARENT) SHOOTER! All I am saying is that I don’t necessarily agree with the approach of accepting that “boys will be boys” and “boys need to shoot guns,” and, as I said earlier, I think that if my E had a real fascination with guns, I would (like your neighbors), try not to encourage it. That said, as I also mentioned earlier, I think super soakers, etc. have an entirely different non-violent focus, so I put them in a different category.
I never allowed them. But around 3 my son started picking up sticks and pointing them at people and saying “this is my chooker and I’m going to chook you”. He had never seen a gun. Not on tv, not in our house, nothing. It was wired in him to point things at people and things and try and destroy them. It’s crazy how they seem to be born to do this. I finally bought him some water guns (we call them water soakers). He knew exactly what to do with them. He and his little brother chase each other around the yard shooting each other with water. It’s like they are finally doing what they are born to do. Best part, I can sit in the back yard with them and read my Oprah magazine without interruption. Conclusion: water pistols, water guns, water launcers, water AK47’s, water bazookas? – bring ’em on. I’m just going to keep telling myself that shooting his brother with some water isn’t going to turn my son into a criminal. This month’s issue of “O” was really good.
Honestly my dad bought them for us, his 3 daughters, every summer and we had a blast. I draw the line at any guns that look too realistic though as they could get in major trouble if those are brought to school, and you know kids tend to bring their toys with them.
My kids’ pediatrician tries to tell me not to treat my kids differently because of gender, but you are spot on! (and she has one adult daughter, so…)
I think water guns are fine. Kids love those things. I just tell them not to squirt anyone in the face. Right now, my little guy roams the house with light sabers, and has yet to hurt anybody.
But I’m not afraid he’s gonna grow up to be a Jedi…
I wonder how much of it is a learned behavior. My sons who are one and a half and almost three don’t pretend to make guns or shoot anyone, but I also don’t let them watch tv or movies. As far as water guns go, I think they’re a good and fun thing. We had guns in our house growing up so my parents chose not to also let us use fake guns of any kind. Mostly my siblings and I just felt left out. When my oldest picked up a squirt gun for the first time, he didn’t know what it was or how to use it, so I showed him to point it and say, “squirt-squirt”. I am hoping to mentally separate them from real guns, which I want him to see and u
Curse my fingers and mobile websites! Anyway, I want to teach my boys about guns. I want them to see them and understand them so the don’t stumble on them at a friend’s house and not know what they are. If they want to go hunting or out to a shooting range with their grandfathers, I will let them. I grew up that way and have a healthy understanding of such things that I want to pass on to them.
I agree 100%. I have four boys, each with varying degrees of gun-interest. We allow toy guns (realistic and otherwise) but we don’t go in for violent video games. What we do is make sure they have a solid respect for what these things can do. How they work. Lots of gun safety and real life practice. It comes, for my part, from having a gunsmith for a grandfather I guess.
I have two girls. They are girly girls. And they totally wanted Nerf water gun thingies at Target today. I will probably get them later this summer. Gotta hold out so I can have some bribes, right?
However, they look completely horrified when the little boys in the neighborhood start running around like maniacs, shooting each other up with toy guns. I don’t think my girls connect water guns and toy guns at all. It’s interesting…
My mother never allowed any of us to have anything that looked like a gun. Now my only brother is a Marine. A lot of good that did, huh? 🙂
I have nothing against toy weapons. In my mind I don’t believe they are going to make a child a mass murderer. I do have friends that are totally against it. I just don’t invite them to certain parties. LOL
My 4 year old son is much the same as L. He makes guns and swords out of ANYTHING that even remotely looks like them. My 2 year old daughter, however a bit calmer, is learning to do the same things and very often will come to me with her hand on her hip and a huge frown on her face and inform me that she’s about to “git da bad guys!” Hahaha!! We love water guns etc at our house – but our big rule is that while fighting pretend “bad guys” rocks, we never hit or even point guns at real people (aka siblings, parents or friends). Works well for us and our 2. 😀
Here’s what I think. When I was a kid I played with toy guns. When my honey was a kid he played with toy guns. When our parents were kids they played with toy guns. When their parents were kids they probably played with REAL guns, which I don’t condone… but my point is… Guess what? none of us have ever killed anyone. =)
My oldest son has been fixated on army guys since he was just a toddler. Yes he would also make guns with his fingers and now that he is 8, he makes them out of legos and paper if needed. My youngest son has picked up on the fact that pink, purple and girl things are for girls. He does not do things he thinks a girl should do or play with and we definately never taught him that. In fact his sister is so much a tomboy, plays with frogs, worms, wrestles and plays army. I think it is best to let them use their imagination and as the doctor tells my kids, don’t point it at anyone.
1) I HATE guns, 2) I have a little boy….
We held off as long as we could, but we had the same issue you did. We went ahead and got him nerf shooters, water guns and blasters, plastic “sucker” dart guns, and plenty of other like toys. We do not, however, buy any military-like, realistic-like guns. All of his guns look like toys, and that is good with us. I’ll never buy him anything that actually looks like a real gun. Also, he took to them, but he isn’t obsessed with them. He’ll play with them for awhile, then hot wheels, then legos, then…..whatever. I would probably get worried if he played with them all the time, but to him they are just another toy. No worries.
I had the same thought before i had my son. i fought my mom when she wanted to get him a toy gun for a present. and told him that i dont like guns when he started to build guns out of lego blocks. now he is 8. i still dont like guns but have given up on trying to hide then from him. there is no point, like you said. so now we have a rule – toy gun yes. pointing it to any living object NO!!!! seams to work.
My son just turned 5 and I JUST caved on the no gun rule. My mom halfheartedly supported me (thought I was full of crap, but abided by my wishes) and my Dad was in heaven when I said they could get him a nerf gun for his 5th birthday. I’m expecting this basic little thing, no, my dad gets him the auto 18 round shooter thingy that keeps jamming and I have to fix. But, we’ve lost fewer legos from broken lego guns and sticks outside aren’t as appealing so I’m less concerned about poked eyes.
Like you said, they’re hardwired for this, and nothing’s gonna change it, so let them have fun, there are worse things for them to be doing. At least they’re being active!
As for the boy girl difference, there’s a little girl that came over here once (I have three boys mind you!) and got all excited about the boys’ monster trucks. Couldn’t figure out the appeal until I watched her tuck them into the baby’s blanket and sing them a lullaby. It was the closest thing we had to a baby doll sized toy. Yeah, I’m calling that one genetics!
Ben is definitely all about wrestling, bakugan, pirates, bugs and all other “boy” things. You’re right its just something internal I guess that comes out in them.
We don’t have toy guns (but we do have swords) but have water squirters from target in the shape of a shark, gator, etc. I’m not interested in Ben playing with guns that look like guns. I think Nerf guns are fine though, we just happen to not have any (yet I’m sure!)
You’re right, boys are a completley different species! I never wanted my son to have guns or anything either, but eventually I gave in and he seems to be ok. Sometimes there’s just no fighting genetics! lol
I have a girl and a boy, and both are the extreme definition of their gender! My son has nerf dart guns, and since his daddy is a hunter, he also has a toy shot-gun. Guess what his favorite toy is to use as a gun? His big sister’s princess wand! So I don’t think having play guns is going to make a difference!
I agree with some of the other moms. My sons (2.5 and 4) can use guns for play but not to be pointed at a live person or animal. My boys really like swords better anyway (which I’ve had to put away because so far neither has the fencing skills to actually defend himself). I can’t believe how much this male stuff is wired in to them. I know for a fact they have never seen this stuff on tv. It will be interesting to see what my daughter (6 months) is like when she gets older. The way they’re wired is so individual – my oldest son has tried to weild anything and everything as a tool since he was 1 and can’t get enough of machines of any kind. It was inherent in him. My second son is not like this. He’s all about balls and sports, though not exposed to that by my hubby or me (we don’t even watch sports on tv- gasp!)
the gender stereotypes are hard to deny once you have kids! I do know a few kids who rock the boat, but most of the kids I know, despite parents’ best efforts to equalize and keep TV out of it, etc, the boys will be boys and the girls will be princesses. My twin girls at 2 used to pick flowers as we walked down the block. Now that my little boy is 2, he points out every basket ball hoop as we go down the same block. And like you said, there are some toys that both the girls and boy have loved but they play with the toys in a very different way.
We have toy shot guns in our house. My husband hunts, and our son loves to be like daddy. Anything can be dangerous without the proper education. My husband keeps his guns locked in a combination locked safe. Kids are nosey and want to know everything about everything. My son is happy with the examples we have given him and it works for us. You have to be alert and aware; and that we are. You can’t always care what other think, you know your son and what you are capable of as a parent.
they are just toys! i had never bought my 2yr old son a toy gun or the like and then one day he was playing with his cousin’s toy gun and every time he pointed it at somebody they would pretend to fall down. he was amazed at this reaction and wanted to see it happen again and again. i didn’t seem violent at all, just playful.
I’m totally with you…we don’t have any guns or swords in the house and yet, everything ends up being one anyway. Technically, I guess the wooden thing he was “blasting” me with the other day could have been a fire hose like he was explaining to me, but it felt like he was shooting a gun.
His twin sister turns nothing into a weapon…just defends herself the best she can. It’s fruitless.
I guess I’ll see how this turns out…summertime water guns are pretty awesome after all.
I am completely in agreement with you- we were never going to have guns for our little guy! But seeing that he can make ANYTHING into a gun, how cute he is when he runs around going PEW PEW PEW, and considering water guns when it’s already 90 and it’s only MAY…… I think I have succumbed. 🙂 Just because we give them toy guns doesn’t mean they will grow up to shoot people; after all. we grew up playing with toys that are now considered DEADLY CHOKING hazards, and we’re still alive!
when i had my first…almost 19 years ago, i was worried about the whole guns/kids thing…well, 7 kids later, i have realized that this is the smallest of issues you will deal with in raising a child..let the kids have their play guns, its not going to hurt them or anyone else. my kids have all had bb guns, airsoft guns, plastic water squirt guns and they turned out just fine! even my 6 year old girl loves toy guns.
I’ve always thought water guns got a free pass – you’re squirting someone, not killing them. Also swords, bows and arrows, anything Robin Hoodish.
Ordinary guns I just don’t like, but I do agree about the innate love of weapons.